7 Lessons from 'He's Just Not That Into You'?

by Shen Shi'an, The Buddhist Channel, Feb 27, 2009

Dharma-Inspired Movie Review: http://www.hesjustnotthatintoyoumovie.com/

1. Some express aversion to those they have attachment to – because they are intimidated by their own attachment, such that they try to reverse it, to reject their attachment. What they really have is aversion to themselves, not the other. Why not try to cultivate equanimity beyond the extremes of attachment and aversion instead?

2. Marriage is supposed to express commitment, but marriage does not guarantee commitment. Marriage is supposed to be for greater security, but if so, those who are too eager to marry might be too insecure! If a couple is already happy together, is marriage necessary? Only if one or both are unhappy with being together without marriage?

3. Should a couple stop being together or nice to each other if they are not going to marry, lest hearts are broken via failed expectations? If they agree so, they must love marriage more than each other! Why let marriage be the third party? Doesn’t this reduce the possibility of willing and happy marriage instead?

4. What if a better person comes along after marriage? But didn’t you marry the one you already saw to be the best? But what if a better person does come along after marriage? Why not just be good friends? If not, the next question to ask is this – Why don’t you yourself be a better person, instead of continually seeking to be with a better person? Because there would be a happy end to the first option (when Buddhahood is attained), while the latter is going to take ‘forever’.

5. There is a hard and fast rule that we can’t really tell if our relationship is exceptional or the rule. There is no hard and fast rule as to who should first express interest in another. There is no hard and fast rule as to why expressed interest has to be for love instead of friendship. There is a hard and fast rule that love should be built upon friendship. If not, it could be built upon lustful infatuation. If love and marriage must be consummated by sex, maybe it is sex that is really loved instead?

6. There is no need to speculate or rationalise the cause of any tension in a relationship or a potential relationship. Just communicate forthrightly to clarify – because relationships thrive on communication. When there is no proper and honest communication, it is not a proper or honest relationship and can never become one.

7. Friendship that is conditional might seek more than friendship itself - when it wants to become love. If so, such love is also conditional. As such, most worldly love is still conditional. Neither marriage nor singlehood guarantees lasting happiness. Maybe there is no happy ending with another for everyone. Maybe it is just you, moving on. Because True Happiness is unconditional, it is not conditioned by being married or single. This is really good news for all – whether single or not!